February 2012
Dealing with teen girl depression.
I just laughed at my life so hard but it devolved into dry sob heaving so hard and now I’m just hard.
Because that’s any better?
In high school I was really embarrassed about having a digestive system so I told people that I never did THAT and instead got bi monthly enemas.
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What if the first few words of A Case of...
“I remember you told me, ‘Love is touching holes.’ Surely you touched...”
– 8 time Grammy award winning artist Joni Mitchell
You can tell you’re among the who’s who of stars
when Jennifer Coolidge is the most famous person around you.
I think I’ve watched like, 4 hours of Oscar red...
I remember having trouble with my 5 minute long About Me speech in class last year.
“Hi, I’m Edgar. I’m unemployed and I like TV shows. Here are the TV shows I like:”
I wish I had impressive things lined up for...
Things like “Your performance in ______ saved my life!” or “I was lost before I discovered you…”
Instead, should I ever run into Meryl Streep at The Olive Garden, all I’ve got is, “Yo, Kramer vs Kramer was soooo good. Uh… you look really good for your age! Not that my opinion matters or anything, but I admire that you’re going the all natural way. Do you want my number? We can hang...
Just remembered this conversation.
Me: I hate when people update their statuses with like, stupid TV show quotes and end up getting more likes than the shit I write.
Girl: Well, I post Grey’s Anatomy quotes and stuff like that.
Me: Oh. I mean, that’s different.
Whenever I post things on weekend nights, I feel like I should throw in the addendum:
“haha jk. I’m actually out with FRIENDS at a PARTY right now.”
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If you’ve ever sent a hot chick dick pics, she’s not into you and immediately forwarded them to me afterward and I laughed and laughed while peripherally watching Monster in Law.
Everyone is out being trendy and smoking hookah...
The other day my English theories professor asked the class if we’ve ever seen an experimental film and in my head all I could think was “Ugh. What? Why? No. Why would anyone even want to do that?”
Last year some guy was telling me about an independent movie theater around here and how there’s tables and you can order food and watch classic films and I told him I’ve heard of it and have been...
I’m trying to get to know my roommates more.
Today I was in the kitchen with one of them and he asked “How you doing?” and I responded by saying “Nothing.” and walking away.
I’m a Japanese school girl.
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“Reese knew what he’d meant. He gasped and his jaw dropped and his eyes...”
– Somehow ended up in the Malcom in the Middle x-rated fan fic section of the internet tonight.
wamiv- replied to your post: Can you believe that high school was 5 days a week…
and pe
I haven’t taken a P.E. class since the 8th grade. I did all of my credits online. One of the requirements was to join some kind of athletic club or sports team and provide proof, so I killed two birds with one stone and Google searched “High school swim team” and photoshopped my name onto the roster.
...
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Can you believe that high school was 5 days a week and 8 hours a day? That was a thing. That was a thing we all did. Every day.
I woke up this morning at around noon for my functionally retarded advertising class at 3 PM and the entire time I couldn’t stop thinking, “UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY! THIS IS DUMB! UGH!!!!”
5-8 hour days a week! We did that!
“Ash Wednesday? More like HASH Wednesday! What!!!!”
– Someone, someone, of the over one billion English speaking people in the world said this today. Someone.
That person was me.
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Watch What Happens.
Andy Cohen: Name one thing that you don’t like about Meryl Streep.
Billy Eichner: That she’s not even more Meryl Streep.
mykicks replied to your post: What if I stated in my will that if I were ever in a coma that I’d like to be unplugged,
They take out your butt plug and there’s that quiet exhale of air like when they took the cocoon out of the dead girl’s throat in The Silence of the Lambs.
They get a doctor to examine it. “Somebody grew this guy, fed him honey and nightshade, kept him warm. Somebody loved...
What if I stated in my will that if I were ever in...
but what I meant was that I want someone to remove my butt plug?
Or release my acoustic album.
I think I’m a little too excited to eat banana...
Like, this should not be my first option. This should be a last resort. In case of fire or flakes, remove DVD from case, loaf from carton.
Last day on Earth —still would want to watch Million Dollar Baby and eat banana bread alone. Still wanna watch Hillary Swank try to drown herself.
“Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of...”
– George Carlin
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